Supplements for the Undead

By: Alana Britten and Dr. Jody Snider, ND

Although at this time of the year it is socially acceptable to flaunt your undead-ness, that’s not always the case on the other 364 days of the year. Here to help you in your time of need, we have matched up your symptoms with your likely ‘undead persona’ and recommended a healthy approach to curing you – no exorcisms or human digestion required. 

FEEL LIKE A ZOMBIE?

Oregano Oil: Eating flesh is in your nature, we completely understand – but walking around with those gaping flesh wounds, then crawling on top of other zombies who’ve been rolling around in dried up blood? It’s straight up dangerous for bacterial and viral infections. So put down the human arm you’re munching on and reach for Oregano Oil instead. It helps fight those parasites that could be lingering inside that open wound and in turn, may stop that moaning and groaning well into the night due to pain. 

Elderberry: You think a few sleepless nights due to cold and flu are bad, try never sleeping again?! No wonder your under eyes are dark and you walk so slow! What about a sore throat, the coughs, a raspy voice and can’t breathe through your nose? Then it seems like you could use a lesson from Herschel of Walking Dead – get some Elderberries. All you have to do is hide from non-zombies (it’s hard to pick them when they’re constantly coming after you) and steep the berries into a tea. If you can’t find a proper tea cup, we hear using a water cantina is a great way to transport it to your friends to help shorten the life of your respiratory problems and rid you faster of that nasty cold and flu. 

We know you’re not an actual Zombie, so don’t go overboard with the supplements. Naturopaths often recommend these dosages: Oregano oil (liquid): 4-6 drops, 3-5 times/day for one week. Softgels/gelcaps – take as directed. Elderberry dried extract (capsules): 1000 – 1500 mg/day. Elderberry liquid extract/syrup,:1 Tbsp. 3-4 times/day.

LOOKING LIKE A VAMPIRE?

Iron: Getting a little fatigued while out on the hunt for your blood-smoothie breakfast? Of course you are, because with low red blood cells and haemoglobin you might be suffering from Anemia. And no, spontaneously turning into a bat and flying away won’t solve your problems. Instead you should use those impeccably pointed ears of yours to listen to our suggestion – you need Iron! Not only will it improve your will to capture your dinner, it might give some colour to your pale skin. Seeing as you’re not dying anytime soon, it might also be a good idea for you to cleanse your blood by taking a little Red Clover – you never know, with healthy blood in your body it might keep you fuller for longer. 

Natural Toothpaste: Constantly drinking blood could take a toll on your pearly whites, and we know that’s the last thing you need. So instead of scrubbing your teeth for years on end, we recommend you go with a Natural Toothpaste, one that will get those fangs glowing in the dark – not literally, we know you like to be sneaky. Not only will you love the results, you’ll love the taste. If you’re looking for something with a little bit more kick, try the cinnamon flavours. Trying to mellow out, try ones with hints of cardamom and fennel, or what about the garlic flavoured brand…just kidding! 

We don’t honestly think that you have blood at every meal, so for those of you who prefer real food we recommend the following:  To treat iron deficiency, recommended dosages of elemental iron range from 150-200 mg/day – Talk to your health care practitioner to determine proper dosage and which type of iron is best for you. 

APPEARING GHOSTLY?

GABA: So you scare the begeezers out of people in the dark, then sometimes, if you’re a friendly ghost anyways, you cry that no one likes you. There is only one logical answer for this behaviour. You’re depressed. Maybe even a bit of anxiety, but that part is surely brought on by not realizing you’ve passed on.  Sounds like you need a little GABA (Gamma-Aminobutyric Acid) to calm you down. Yes, that’s exactly what you need, something to slow down your excitatory neuronal impulses to prevent overstimulation of the brain… as long as you have one that is.  

Melatonin: Ghosts really aren’t known for ever getting a goodnight sleep, are they? Is that why you scare people in bed, because you’re jealous? Seems to us that you could use a little Melatonin to help you get a little shuteye! It’s perfect for ghosts who work late or have jet lag from traveling overseas to haunt people. We bet it will be the best night sleep you’ve ever had and you’ll wake up feeling rested and ready to start the day… as long as you didn’t sleep next to that moving vacuum cleaner. 

Yes, you’re not a real ghost, but if you’re tired of wearing a sheet with two eyeholes to work, perhaps you should try these recommended dosages: Gaba: 250 – 1000 mg/day. Melatonin: 3-5 mg time released melatonin at bed. (Individual needs may vary, so speak with a natural healthcare practitioner to determine the right dose for you.) 

CHANGING INTO A WEREWOLF?

Glucosamine: You’re human, you’re wolf, back to human and all of a sudden here comes the wolf side of you again. All that changing back and forth is not only tiring; it’s hard on your joints. Don’t take your frustration out by gnawing on a bone, let Glucosamine help ease the pain. It even helps to strengthen your muscles, which is help I’m sure you wouldn’t turn down. As a Werewolf you need good working joints and muscles, especially on the days when you’re filming Twilight, trying to catch those pesky Vampires –all that jumping and running in the rain with sore joints could really slow down your game.  Speaking of movies, you’ll want to make sure you’re coat is looking nice and shiny for the big screen, in that case we recommend trying a little Flax Oil to spruce up your fur. 

Throat Spray: How’s your howling lately? From the way we look at it, your howl is only as good as you keep it and let’s face it - all that dirt and dust you inhale as you take off into the forest late at night isn’t helping. So before you go trying to signal the rest of your pack, we think you ought to try a little Throat Spray. Fighting against inflammation and infection, it keeps your throat feeling smooth and rids the crackly, harshness to your howl – unless, you are going for more of a cr - owl, that is!

Midnight may show a lot of things, but we know you’re not a real Werewolf! That’s why we make the following recommendations: Glucosamine: 1500-2000 mg/day. Throat spray: Look for something with ingredients like Echinacea, slippery elm, goldenseal, bee propolis, and zinc. Take as directed. 

A SOON-TO-BE MUMMIE?

Folic Acid: You have all the time in the world to walk around in white, bossing your child around from cemetery to cemetery when they grow up, but if you want them to come out looking like you and not the grim reaper, you’ll want to be taking some Folic Acid. Pour it over your finger nail cereal if you wish, or cut a hole in your head wrap and pop a few capsules, either way you’ll be happy in the delivery room knowing you decreased your risk in birth defects in your baby mummie.

Pre-Post Natal Supplements: Carrying a little monster inside of you for 9 months isn’t easy, we won’t argue! Along with increased calorie needs comes and increased need for nutrients, which the little mummie-in-yer-belly steals entirely, by the way! Combine that with the fact that all you seem to be able to keep down is that fingernail cereal and chances are you may be a little nutrient deficient. Skip ahead to the mummie-babe being born, you simply don't have time to eat, what with all the baby mummie crying and all. . A Pre/Post natal multi is a great way to ensure you and your baby are staying healthy throughout gestation and the first year of life, because even Mummies need some added support, sometimes!

For the real mommies, the ones that prefer to be seen in public toilet paper-free, we recommend these dosages: Folic acid in pregnancy: 800 mcg/day (look for 5-methyltetrahydrofolate form). Prenatal/postnatal supp: Take as directed (Look for a 3 cap/day option for optimal absorption.). 

CAUGHT ACTING LIKE A WITCH? 

Astaxanthin: Yes, its your job to be old looking and grumpy, but lately you can’t help but notice those younger, more good looking witches walking around town. Regularly asking, “Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” isn’t going to magically make your wrinkles disappear, but if you replace that candy-looking apple with a dose of Astaxanthin you’re in business. Not only will it fight the damage on your weathered skin, with this formula being 500 times more potent then Vitamin E, your face will feel as soft as your worn leather boots.

St. John’s Wort: We can imagine that trying to get burned on a spit by the townsmen was not something you have easily forgotten, and fair enough. However, paired with the loud cackling and the way you’ve let yourself go (that wire-like hair isn’t fooling anyone) we suggest you take a little St. John’s Wort. The fact is, you've been dragging your broom a bit lately, lady, and St. John's Wort is effective for treating mild to moderate depression, improving insomnia, and generally lifting those witchy spirits! Now the only thing you have to be depressed about is that wart on your nose, which can be cleared up with Thuja and those varicose veins you have hiding under your skirt, treat them with Butchers Broom and you’ll be sporting that mini-witch-dress in no time.

Flying on a broom would certainly be better than a daily commute, but for those of us who have vehicles with wheels, we recommend these dosages: Astaxanthin: 4-8 mg/day. St. John's Wort: ~ 900 mg/day in divided doses. 

IS SKEL-ATORE YOUR NICKNAME?

Calcium: You’ve got bones for feet, bones for ribs and you’ve even got a pair of boney elbows, if you ask us. But of course you do…you’re a skeleton. That’s exactly why hearing a crack when you’re out trick or treating is not something you’ll want to take lightly, especially when they’re the only things holding you together. Don’t take a chance at being a bag of bones on the floor and take some Calcium for crying out loud. If you really wanted you could try drinking milk and eating almonds, however, we both know it will end up on the floor. Get the most for your money and absorb every last drop by getting it straight from the source. 

Silica: Aging skin, brittle nails and thin hair probably aren’t on the top of your list for things to fix (cough, because you don’t have any) but if you were looking to spruce yourself up for a night on the town, we recommend trying some Silica. Not only will it make you look livelier, it may take that surprised look off your face when you happen to walk by a mirror and notice your eyebrows are looking extra lush today. 

We know you’re not actually a skeleton, but to ensure you stay that way we recommend these dosages: Calcium: 1000 mg/day in divided dosages. Post menopausal women will have an increased need of 1000-1500 mg/day. Silica: ~ 400 - 800 mg/day.  

ACTING LIKE FRANKENSTEIN?

NEM: There’s no need to get all Hulk on us and turning green (mad) at the first jolt of joint pain. Instead you should try lowering your arms (unless you’re looking for a hug?) and reach for some NEM (Natural Eggshell Membrane) for the relief of your sore and stiff joints. The Eggshell Membranes act like a food for your joints so they can rebuild themselves and be as big and strong as you are. But if you’re looking to get bigger and bulkier too, we suggest you try adding a little Creatine to your diet. It would be sad to see a big strong guy like you actually fit into those tiny cut-off pants you’re wearing.

Arnica Gel: Being electrocuted and living to tell the tale is quite an inspiration, but if you go much longer without treating the muscle trauma surrounding that bolt in your neck, your life will be more like a short novel. When you use Arnica Gel there will be no more need to moan and groan in pain as you walk around aimlessly, instead your muscles will recover faster and you will be able to speed walk into town for dinner with Mrs. Frankenstein. 

It would be great to be as strapping and green as Frankenstein, but for those of us who are still human, we recommend you take NEM as directed.

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